What is Hard?

There has been an awful lot of talk at my house the past few months about things being HARD. Just to take you behind the scenes, I will tell you that my husband and I have both adopted a new eating lifestyle to become healthier since we are getting older. Seeing friends our age go home before their time as made a deep impact. However, the sugar cravings have been HARD to ignore.

Further down the hallway, you will find my daughter who is now 12, with a frustrated look that seems permanently attached to her round face as she stares at that bleeping math book that has been the thorn in her flesh since September. "This is too HARD," she screams, as she gives into defeat and decides to hide her assignments, hoping I won't discover she has given up.

In the next bedroom over there is little sis wiping her tears as she comes in from dance class thinking a mistake has been made as she was recommended for an early promotion to move up to the next class. Her thoughts are she is too small and the class is too HARD.

Things are hard in life. Hard to accomplish, hard to understand, hard to believe, hard to accept, hard to let go, hard to ignore ..just HARD!

Yet as He always does, God was showing me a theme, this time in my own house. "What do all these things have in common?" He asked. No, it is not that these stories are people from one family and share the same last name. If you look more closely, you will see all these expectations are being attempted without a key ingredient and a key player at that. Any guesses? Yup, our heavenly Father is missing with His magical touch of GRACE.

Skipping back to the diet change, that change will require grace because I cannot attain my goal on my own. I can be disciplined and go jogging for enhanced results in loosing weight, but for transformation in adopting a new lifestyle, I will need to show myself grace and not freak out if I ate a cheeseburger one day. Kiddo #1 will have to be disciplined to start her day earlier since math takes her longer to finish. She will ALSO need GRACE from me not to freak out when she misses the same thing AGAIN to help her try again so she can get it.

Another example that comes to mind and I can say with all honesty that I am finally seeing results and transformation in my heart is thinking good thoughts about people that have hurt me. For years I have tried to forgive people in my own ability and it just wasn't happening. I couldn't understand why I couldn't. I wanted to! I prayed to! I tried to! It was HARD! It became EASIER when I decided to focus on my discipline to read my Bible instead and let God change my heart, dig out more of the yuck and become planted in His grace. Grace was the key. It was the noun, verb, the subject, the predicate, the point! It is the vehicle which transports me from the place where I am to where God wants me to live.


Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "And the Lord said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Yup, that missing piece, that missing ingredient in my parenting, and in my house was grace towards one another and especially ourselves.

As for my own school days, I was a horrible student myself. I had the luxury of being in Mrs. Schultz's chemistry class twice. Sometimes I would even do better on a test the first time than I had the second in Mrs. Kestle's Algebra class. But you know the funny thing is, teaching GRACE has been the most challenging subject of them all to teach my kids. I can't give away something I don't have. I can't teach something if I don't at the least understand the foundations of it and grow from there. It's the one class I have to be the student and the teacher at the same time. Thankfully I know enough to present it to them, but God seems okay that we are learning more about it together. What is hard you ask? Anything without the Lord's help, anything without his grace.

Sitting at the Master's Feet,
~Clarissa

Kingdom Kalls Part 2

Within days of becoming well, I scooped up my Bible with gratitude. I honestly felt like Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." Waking up I had a new goal to prioritize my time, REALLY prioritize. Like you, a lot of opportunities come my way & I felt like I WAS a good steward of my time. However, now I had a new measuring stick to help me even further because God had given me a word for which to gauge my commitments along with a sense of urgency. Everything to which I would now strive to commit would be measured against this word.

My word was "reach" and a sense of urgency accompanied it.  Are the things that I am committing to helping to reach people for the kingdom of heaven, and I mean really reach, not be satisfied that I was active in my church and ministering on my mission field at home as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother alone. Seeking God and sharing Him had to become my full-time occupation. I was even more burdened than before to know God's Word so that I could share it, everyday to someone, somewhere. I needed it. Others needed it. It was life and I couldn't be caught up in being busy ONLY serving the same people around me all the time. Please don't misunderstand, I realize my family is my first responsibility and therefore my first priority. However, God was calling me to drop other THINGS in exchange for other PEOPLE, His lost people. God had given me a sense of claustrophobia in my regular circles, all of them. Being in bed sick for seven weeks had shown me that it was uncomfortable to lay around and do nothing. Yes, rest is important and yes relaxing is enjoyable, but I felt I had been relaxing the last yr so now it was time to get busy. I was healthy again and I felt a renewed sense to submerge myself in His Word, to put Him first in the morning and just sit there and soak Him in so I could share it with others everywhere.

Because God knows I am a visual person, several pictures were forming in my mind that carried the same theme so I knew it was Him working in my heart. I had visions of a modern day emergency room triage nurse & a telephone operator from some old black and white movie. I asked myself what the two had in common. I realized in order to do their jobs, they had to focus and prioritize.

Obviously, everyone needing a triage nurse assessment was sick. But there were those that were dying. Every phone call that came into one of the old timey operators was important, but there were those that were urgent. I could picture myself alongside these imaginary ladies too. Everything was important, but which calls were urgent? Where these the calls I would answer first? I too had to focus and prioritize to a level that made it a skill, just like these pictures in my heart.
And now that I knew the questions, what were my answers? Thankfully, I knew that too. I would answer the urgent calls, the kingdom kalls. Sometimes, it just took something for God to get our attention, maybe a health scare or maybe even just a misspelled word (kalls.) Have a great day!

Sitting at the masters feet,
~Clarissa 

Kingdom Kalls Part 1

A few months ago, I got sick. Really sick. It wasn't just an illness. My spiritual gift of discernment was telling me this was bad. I could literally sense something around me and the fact that I was downplaying it was opposite my excitable nature. I saw a side of my husband that after 12 years of marriage, I had never seen before. His eyes revealed genuine fear. I wondered if he was thinking how his mother had been diagnosed with cancer and had died less than three months later. He was quiet and lost in thought. My doctor became nervous and my insurance agent was alarmed when I called her to add life insurance & cancer policies "just in case."

Around week six, lying in bed trying to make sense of what was going on, a thought popped into my head. "I may very well meet God face to face without having read His autobiography."

I wasn't nervous like a kid having to give an oral book report on a book I hadn't read. It wasn't like being a famous television host interviewing a celebrity about her latest book on live TV. No, it was sadness. It was more than sadness, it was regret.

I had regret that I had been too busy. I had regret that I had assumed I would be guaranteed tomorrow to read my Bible, that same book my mama gave me when I was 13 and just blossoming into the youth group at our church. That was 21 years ago, two decades and a year AGO. Had I been productive? Yes. I would call college and raising a family productive. Was what I was doing important? Yes, true there too. However, I felt my time was very possibly almost up and all I knew was I felt very sad I had not read God's word cover to cover. I had regret that I hadn't told Him how much He meant to me and how I loved Him so by spending time with Him. I wanted to hang onto His every word and now, I might not have that chance. My heart ached.

THANKFULLY, I am all better now! All tests results came back okay and my health returned to that of a normal 34 yr-old! Something is different though, very different and I didn't quite realize the scope of it until today. I'll tell you more about that & explain the crazy spelling in the title, tomorrow in part 2! See ya soon.

Sitting at the masters feet,
~Clarissa

Suffering in Silence (Warning: Adult Subject Matter)

I was driving to a meeting in November. Since the location was about 30 minutes away and I had some spare time, I attempted to call a friend who hadn't been returning my emails or phone calls. I was beginning to worry. Needless to say, I had to pull over when she said her recently turned 10-yr-old, (and my daughter's good friend), had been sexually molested by the host and parent of another child at a 4th grade school cheerleading sleep-over the month prior. My friend hadn't called because they had been trying to cope with the gravity of the situation.

I was devastated for our friend's daughter. I was devastated for her parents and her siblings.  I was mad at the enemy who is the devil and evil one and who roams about like a lion seeking who and what he may steal, kill and destroy. I was mad how he held such a grip of prolonged sin without conviction on this man's life.  My head was filled with questions. "Why Lord?"

A few weeks later as if He didn't know, I told God that in a case unrelated to my friend's, there was a teacher in our same community arrested on charges of molesting 20 girls that was now all over the local news. "Lord," I asked. "What is going on here? How big is this? Where are you???? How can these men be so active in their community, in their churches, accepting awards for their careers with no conviction and continuing their behavior?! Don't they care? Don't you God?"

And while still heartbroken, even for these men's own families and especially their children, I had peace in knowing that God DOES see. No one can fool Him, deceive Him or hide from Him although many have tried, as recorded in God's Word.

In Acts chapter 5, a married couple Ananias and Sapphira both fell dead when they lied to the Holy Spirit about the amount of  money they had collected from the sale of some land. In Genesis chapter 4, Cain tells God he doesn't know where his brother is, only to have the Lord reply that He knows he murdered him and that his brother Abel's blood calls to Him from the ground. A chapter before that in Genesis 3, God asks Adam and Eve where they are although He knows. As you know, they were hiding due to their nakedness that was revealed to them when they disobeyed God and ate of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

God knows and even if it doesn't seem like it to us, He is working behind the scenes for salvation, justice and healing. We just have to trust Him. We just have to trust Him.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse,  please call 1-800-656-HOPE, which is the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network http://www.rainn.org/ I found online. I also heard about the Darkness to Light organization at http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm
Both can be found on Facebook and Twitter. Keep these families in your prayers and talk to your kids about the fallen world we live in so they too, may be harmless as doves, but wise as serpents.

Sitting at the masters feet,
~Clarissa

The Star Marks the Spot

For some reason, our Christmas experience this year has been totally different from any other. Granted the weather has been ridiculously warmer even for us in the South (there, I just jinked us!), I think it goes back to last Christmas when God gave me some advice and I took it.

It was this. "Search for Me and you will find Me."  Yup, in a nutshell be Mary, not her sister Martha. So last Christmas, I backed off SOME. Now though, with 12 months of gentle reminders in a way that only God can give, I can see the larger transformation and it is pretty wild! You see, last year I had my tree up the day after Halloween, more parties and obligations than I care to remember and I was miserable. So, I started searching for the star that would lead me to the manger. Like the wise men, I couldn't get there in a day, but I did stay the course and I can joyfully proclaim that I have found the baby Jesus exactly where I was lead. It is an exuberant place, but calm, quiet and peaceful. Do these words describe your Christmas season?

If you have a child, I am sure you can relate.

With baby numero uno, everything had to be P-E-R-F-E-C-T!  My father-in-law worked feverishly at my request to finish the beautiful wall mural identical to the crib bedding. Then thanks to my sister-in-law (no longer with us) who gave us a baby shower, all items were stocked. Now I was just waiting for the actual baby to put in the crib. Haven't we all become so busy that we forgot the most important part was the actual baby?

And guess what?

Ready or not, like all babies, He is coming. You can't do anything to prevent it, but you can do everything to prevent MISSING it. If He didn't need a fancy nursery with matching bedding to arrive THEN, He sure doesn't need our fancy bows, packages or even the family nativity set and advent wreath (yes, I said that), to arrive NOW. Time is up, that baby is crowning and speaking of crowns, Oh come let us adore Him! Let us stop what we are doing and follow the star to the manger. Allow yourself to take the pressure off to make this the "prettiest" Christmas, the "best- Christmas- gifts- ever" Christmas, the "tastiest" Christmas, the "most hospitable" or "generous" Christmas. You fill in the blank. Just let CHRISTmas come. The only "room" we honestly need ready is the room in our hearts, and instead of the newest, trendiest receiving blankets,  just being prepared to receive Him, amen?

I know the weather has been warm here in Alabama and doesn't feel like Christmas outside, but it sure feels warm and toasty in my heart. You see, following the star is what Martha's sister Mary, the shepherds and the three wise men had in common. They stopped their busy plans and came to worship our Lord. Different stories, but same book. Let us have that in common with them.

Hoping you have the Merriest Christmas ever,

~Clarissa

The "Holidaze"

Last night as I lay in bed saying my evening prayers, I thanked God for something I heard this week.  It was a comment about focus on the future instead of on the present, or even the past.

As humans, I believe we must get so caught up in walking forward (which is a good thing), that because we lack wings we don't soar upward and see the big picture below. I mean think about that for a moment. From the top of a building, you can see the route from the beginning, the present location and where it ends.

I think if most of us were honest, we would lay down our Martha Stewart masks and admit to ourselves and God our Father, that the holidays are difficult for many of us. For me, it is the Ghost of Christmas Past that haunts me. Such good memories of past holidays. People in my life as a child that are no longer with me. I grieve their presence. I grieve our shared laughter. I grieve childhood innocence.

On Thanksgiving Day my husband must have noticed my sense of loss I was feeling because he nonchalantly said, "There may only be 4 chairs at the Thanksgiving Table, but one day, we will not have enough room for all the chairs for our family. Our daughters will have husbands and they will have their own children and grandchildren and they will wheel you in your wheelchair to take your place at the head of the table and you won't even have to worry yourself with the cooking." Wow! Really? Me in a wheelchair? What a perspective and from my quiet husband, nonetheless!

That was a wonderful thought that my own house will praise me because THIS is MY garden where I sow every day. I sow love, patience, laughter and silliness. Why wouldn't I reap the rewards of family? Why wouldn't my home acquire more filled chairs and more shared laughter for the holidays? I had lost perspective. I was merely looking horizontally (forward and backward), thinking in terms of past OR present, not the journey as a whole from a vertical perspective. And you know what? It was a great Thanksgiving. We didn't stress. We didn't stress if we didn't have the traditional perfect Thanksgiving. Sure we had all the items on the list. Yet, we ate Turkey sandwiches instead of sitting around the bird and watching daddy carve it. We decided to save our dressing ingredients for another night later in the week and put the Cherry Pie in the freezer for a special later date to be determined.

Who says I have to have ALL my Happy Holiday Memories right now anyway? I don't want to stuff myself right now anyway because I am saving room for my second portion of happy memories later!

Sitting at the Master's Feet
~Clarissa

A Flower Named Brooklyn

Today, memorial services will be held for the youngest member of our church. She was born a week ago, and I had the pleasure to meet her Tuesday evening. Wow, was she pretty! She didn't appear sick. She was perfect. She had dark hair, pink skin and her mama and grandmother even joked about her long fingers that run in the family. I wasn't surprised when I bent over to see for myself. She seemed to want to show them to me, grasping them around my index finger. She made me chuckle. I think she knew we were all leaning over complimenting her!
However, like us all, she was just passing through here though. Her final destination was a much more impressive place where she will be making many observations of her own.

She will notice how she lacks for nothing and can claim her perfection. I just wonder if all that exposure to the SON will make her dark hair a lighter brown like it does here. Yeah, I'm inquisitive that way.

Pray for Mark, Jennifer & grandparents today and have a blessed weekend.

Sitting at the Masters Feet,
~Clarissa